I have until Tuesday!

To completely memorize my lines and the blocking for my final exam in Theatre. And I think I’ve pretty much already got it down. I just need to get a robe and throw on some sweatpants and get some frebreeze. There are two lines of mine that are slightly long that I’ve been having trouble with and my cues are also a little iffy but I know we’ll all have it clean and ready by Tuesday and I’m really excited about that!

Monday I have my Computer Applications 1 exam that is an EOC so it might be a little tough but if its anything like the midterm I’ll be fine. My midterm grade is also going to be averaged with my exam grade – and I got a 100 on the midterm – so I’m not too terribly concerned about that exam. Wednesday I have my Psych exam which is one Mr. Hooks made. I’m only a little worried because I probably won’t study and end up completely spacing on the exam. And I haven’t done all that well on his tests anyway, for some reason. Thursday I have my Civics exam that will probably what I spend most of my time studying because its the only somewhat hard class I’ve had this semester, and it hasn’t really been that bad considering it is an Honors class.  So thats my schedule next week and I’m really not stressing too much about exams.

I have told so many people I’m going to burn them 808′s that I should really probably get the CD’s started. Ah, I could have killed Sammy and Tanna yesterday, aha. Bethany curled my hair today and is going to tomorrow too. I liked it a lot and figure it’ll look better when I don’t have bedhead from waking up at 7 o’clock this morning and having to leave in 20 minutes. I’m going to the play tomorrow night and if you go you should say hello. And you really should go regardless and bring canned food to get in for $3 or $2.50… I can’t remember.

Hm, thats all I’ve got. Goobai!

Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul.

To a woman so Heartless.

So before I get into what I plan to talk about I just want to highly, highly recommend that you listen to Kanye’s new CD 808′s and Heartbreak. I think its quite amazing and its basically all I’ve listened to lately. He doesn’t really rap and when I heard that I got pretty worried because I wasn’t so sure about what it would sound like and whether I would like it very much. But I really should know better than to question Kanye – he’s amazing. So go check that shit out. (:

Now. My original purpose for the new post. I want to sort of join the “Nerdfighters” of Youtube and have my own video blogging channel with a few other people. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get five people who are able to make a video every week, but it would be pretty awesome if I could. So if you’d be interested in getting together and doing this as a weekly thing then let me know. I guess its a little late for New Years but we could just try and do it until this time next year or just however long we can stand. All I ask is that you’re able to make a video every week whenever you’re designated and be able to have things to talk about, if you catch my drift. Anyways, I didn’t want this to be too long, but if you would be interested please either e-mail me at toriibuttons@gmail.com or you can message me on Myspace if we’re friends. Either way I suppose. Thanks.

Just a thought

I can’t really say I’ve been too busy to update because I really haven’t been, but I just haven’t been motivated to write. I don’t like to just talk about my day in my posts like my older posts were written. I just wouldn’t find it interesting if I were someone else. So I’ve been trying to think of something good enough to write about before I decided to write a new post on this blog. Moving along…

Update: Since I’ve gotten so slack with posts I’ll just give another jist of what is going on with me lately. I just finished my last day of the Driver’s Ed roadwork today and passed so I will more than likely get my permit next week. For Christmas I mainly got money and some clothes, nothing terribly exciting but it was all I asked for so I was happy. However, I did get 3 more months of Xbox Live from my sister as well as GTA San Andreas. Which made me really, really wish my GTA IV wasn’t scratched. I think its too deep to get fixed but someone told me to take it to GameStop so I’ll see what they can do. If not I’ll have to either try and find it cheap used (unlikely) or wait until the price finally goes down and still probably get it used. I bought a webcam that I sort of wish I hadn’t because its not all that great really and I could’ve used the $30 I spent on it from my Christmas money for other things. Its all good though and now I can make more interesting Youtube videos if I feel like it and talk to my sister on Skype while shes at school, which was the main reason I bought the camera in the first place.

Anyways. While I was riding in the car today I just got to thinking about the whole idea of a relationship. You like someone, they like you back and you get together. But the more I think about it the more its just crazy to me, in a way. You like someone for various reasons- whether or not they’re superficial or not is a whole different ball game- and out of all the people they know and care about they like you in the same way. And those feelings last. I’m really not explaining what I find so interesting about the entire situation as well as I did in my head earlier. There are just so many chances that they like someone else and one chance they like you in the same way you like them. I just think its neat how it all works out and that in most cases its very well.

I don’t feel like explaining it much more than that. I’m too lazy to have a blog anymore, aha. I highly suggest checking out Meaghan’s wordpress, whether you know her or not, she talks about a variety of different things and her posts are always fun to read. (:

It’s been awhile.

I’m getting really, really bad about keeping this a daily thing. In fact I haven’t updated this since December 14th. I guess a lot has changed since then… I mean I passed Driver’s Ed and have already started driving. Today was actually my first day and I did fairly well, aha. Brief overview of interesting things I’ve been up to: I went to the show last Friday and got to see AKFJ and they sang Christmas songs! Then I spent the night at Tanna’s with Sammy and we tried to watch Underworld but ended up just talking about Twilight and then going to bed. Woke up, dropped Sammy off around two and went home. Did some stuff with my sister. Went to the mall Sunday with Tanna and Sammy to get my Christmas presents from my Mom and to get presents for my Mom, Sister, Sammy and Tanna. Then we ended up hanging out at Sammy’s Grandma’s house for the longest time. It’s like the cutest house ever, hands down. And I had chocolate gravy for the first time!

Anyways, I’m so excited about Christmas! I love being so busy for those two days. Christmas Eve I’m going to my Mom’s Mom’s house for a little while, then her Dad’s house for a little while longer, then my Dad’s Grandparent’s (my favorites:P) to have dinner and spend the night. Then on Christmas we’ll wake up and eat and open presents and chill a lot. And I’m going to Sammy’s Grandma’s house at five for their Christmas party and I’m spending the night with her. I’m stoked!

And since Sammy and I are going to start writing our own books I’m going to just post every word of my Nanowrimo up, even though I didn’t even come close to finishing it. Maybe if you want to throw some constructive criticism my way it’ll help me in the future. (:

For the Record: 5,932 Words

I really didn’t think my coming home late would bother her so much. She knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t out getting wasted or plastered. My little Jetta rumbled to a stop and I leaned my head back onto the headrest. After taking a deep breath I pulled the keys out of the ignition, grabbed a few bags from my passenger seat and headed towards the front door. Before I could even get up the three porch stairs the door flung open and my mother’s arms crossed angrily across her chest. I forced a smile and handed her one of the bags I carried on my forearm. It wasn’t like the other bags that adorned my arm. It was a present bag and she shook her head but still took the bag as she headed back inside the house. I didn’t really know what to say that would calm her down so I just let my present for her do the talking. I closed the door behind me and left all my shopping bags beside the door. I also kicked off my high-heeled ankle boots before following her into the living room. The warm, plush carpet felt amazing against the bottoms of my feet that had been stuck in an upwards position all day long. I retreated to the couch as I watched my mother slowly and carefully dig through the tissue paper in the bag to get to her present.

It is 12:34 – I could see the time on the cable box under the T.V. at the end of the couch – many people would make wishes at this time. Since it’s 1-2-3-4. It’s lucky, apparently. I didn’t much believe in “wishes” or “luck” as much these days, but I closed my eyes and wished. Please let her like this present, she needs something to be happy about so badly! My mother has been through so much lately it was beginning to get ridiculous, honestly. She has to work insane hours at work, she’s having to pay for my sister’s college as well as my needs all by herself and there are always little things that happen along the way that are forcing us to eat Ramen Noodles every night because we can’t afford anything else. I saw a small smile reach her lips as she pulled up the sweater I’d bought. It was a cute little cardigan, considering that was all she wore, and I knew it was something she would adore. It wasn’t much at all, but it was enough to bring a smile to her face and some diversity to her wardrobe. I smiled back as she held it up in front of her, appreciating the fall colors as I knew she would. I had spent half my paycheck on that little sweater and I couldn’t think of a better way it could have been spent. The colder it was getting outside the more I thought she needed a thicker sweater then she typically wears. If anything, I was hoping she would appreciate the thought that supposedly was all that counted. Although no one these days ever really cares about he thought…

“It’s lovely,” my mother said, holding it in front of herself as she stared into the mirror in the bathroom halfway down the hall. “I really wish you hadn’t spent your money on this, it must’ve cost a lot more than you were planning on spending for it.” I simply shrugged my shoulders as she walked back into the living room and returned to the chair she had been sitting in before. Her legs were crossed and her hands were resting on her lap. She always looked so prim and proper, you would never guess I was raised by her unless you really knew her. “Well it’s late and we both need to get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” I nodded as I stood up, “Goodnight. I love you.” I said, hugging her neck. Once I had gotten inside my room I threw off my black cardigan and changed into my pajamas. My room was a mess tonight. This morning I had ravaged through it looking for my other knit boot but didn’t succeed. So on a day that I wanted to be comfortable I had to wear high-heeled boots since they were the only other shoes that were season-fitting and that went with my outfit. I sighed as I laid back on my bed, my head sinking into the feather pillow that lay beside my headboard. I pulled my velvety soft blanket up over my hips and left my torso uncovered. The fan blew over me periodically as it did a half rotation around my room. It felt good to have my hair blow over my face and feel the cold air over me. I’d been running around work in my black peacoat all night and the fact that I was burning up really began to hit me. My job required a lot of walking. Well my main job, that is. Part time – or really just occasionally – I workout horses for the big-wigs who don’t have time to ride them enough. I don’t see why you would buy a horse without knowing you had the time to care for him/her. Either way, my main job is at a local magazine where I assist the editor-in-chief. I do coffee runs, give out tasks to the writers, write memos, post announcements/advertisements and handle mail among other things. Thousands of thoughts were running through my head. I was recapping my day, mentally making a list of things I needed to do tomorrow and deciding what to wear to school. Eventually, these thoughts faded and I fell asleep.

“You’re apathetic towards me, you’re the one who adored me, you’re the one who made me who I am, well, I’ve got my dreams too…”

I awoke with a start as my alarm screamed on the table beside me. After smacking it enough to shut it up I threw the covers off of me and my legs over the side of the bed. The illuminated red numbers on the clock said 4:30 A.M. With a sigh I pulled myself up and towards my closet. I grabbed a white American Apparel t-shirt and a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and then headed towards the bathroom adjacent to my bedroom. After a shower, blow dry and makeup application I was ready to leave in time to grab breakfast before I went into work. I walked downstairs and passed my mother who was cleaning in the already spotless living room. How she wakes up this early in the morning when she doesn’t work until noon.

“Are you leaving already?” I couldn’t get out of the house quite fast enough, but I knew she wasn’t going to be as leanient as usual since I had come home so late last night. This meant she would really force the curfew, call me every few hours and numerous other strict parent things.
“Yeah, I have to be in by six and I wanted to grab breakfast.” I said as I pulled the front door open and slipped into my ankle boots for yet another day in the uncomfortable sons of-
“Well,” my mother interrupted my thoughts, “I’ll call you around five-thirty to make sure you got to the barn safe, okay?” I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn’t see.
“Alright, love you, bye.” I shouted and closed the door before she could answer back.

“Abigal, would you mind grabbing me a skinny vanilla latte?” My boss Lisa asked. Her voice always seemed to have an arrogant edge to it…
“Of course,” I glanced around the room – Lisa was in the middle of a meeting – and knew I had to be nice, despite not wanting to be, “would anyone else care for a drink?”

So after writing down numerous coffee orders and grabbing an extra hand, I left the Abundance Magazine building and forced my already aching feet down a block and across the street to the closest, and best, coffee shop. It was a quaint little place and I often came here on nights I didn’t have any horses to exercise. Anne was the lady who I brought with me. She is an intern at the magazine, which means no pay, but she gets by just fine. She’s quite lovely really. Always so positive and fun to talk to, I always liked to bring her along anywhere that I think I’ll need an extra hand. Mainly because she is the only intern who doesn’t complain, but also because she really puts a lot of effort into the job. I admire her for her ambition. She is currently ranting about a new article suggestion she overheard during the meeting that she got to sit in on and was complaining that she had thought of it herself. I missed how the other person had gotten her idea, but I could believe someone at Abundance would do that. They weren’t terribly original people.

When it was our turn in line I simply set down the list and smiled sweetly at the lady who is typically behind the counter when I make these runs. “Aw sweetie, we’ll have this ready for you as soon as we can.” she assured us in her sweet little voice that you wouldn’t believe was capable of lying. She had such a friendly disposition and look to her. Her short, ginger-colored hair curled up around her ears and didn’t fall any lower and due to her hair color she had these cute little, light brown freckles adorning her cheeks which dimpled when she showed her bright smile. I nodded to her as she hurried to the back with the list and probably to help the coffee makers. Anne continued our conversation from before in which my main role was listening so I scanned the room as every few minute a new cup of coffee would appear on the counter beside us and another cup holder would be filled. Within ten minutes all eight drinks were made and filled up two cup holders. I had honestly thought there were more drinks on the list, but I suppose it seemed so long because everyone was so specific. I mean a skinny, vanilla, creamed, 2 scoops extra sugar and a shot of espresso? Seriously? I’m satisfied with just a Chai Frapp. Not skinny, even though I probably should start getting my drinks skinny…

“… I really was expecting that to take longer.” Anne said as the bell rang on the door and we left. I nodded in agreement, “Gosh Abby, how do you sit there and take orders from her all day? I don’t see how you do it… or why you have to, I mean, I’M the intern here. I thought the interns were supposed to be the ones that the big-wigs used.” I laughed and just shrugged.
“Well I’m her assistant so I was hired to jump at her every need.” I explained as best I could, but I will admit, the other chiefs have their assistants do more useful things. Most of the other interns who are below other chiefs do get less opportunities than Anne and have to do more dirty work. “Let’s just say you got lucky when it comes to placement in the intern system.” I said and all Anne could do was nod back. She knew she shouldn’t say anything else. And I knew she felt grateful that she didn’t get treated badly, but I also knew she felt bad for me. That Anne really is a good person.

When we returned to the Abundance building the meeting was nearly over and I really didn’t see the need to buy these people coffee when it really wouldn’t help sway their decisions, which is the main reason Lisa tells me to ask clients if they care for anything. However, we had already bought the drinks so I helped Anne pass them out as much as I could before Lisa pulled me out of the meeting room into the hall. Not that it was much more private than the meeting room considering most of the walls in this building were glass. Of course, they couldn’t hear us and I didn’t seem to be in any trouble so I guess that is all Lisa was worried about. “Abigal, I have decided to bring you with me tonight to a little party I’m attending. You’ll need to wear something,” she glanced up and down me, sizing up my outfit disapprovingly, “something stylish and dressy. So, assuming you aren’t going to turn down this incredibly opportunity to meet more important people in this industry, I’ve talked to our fashion editor, Hannah, and she has agreed to pull a dress out from one of our fashion spreads in the next issue for you to wear tonight. I would suggest going to try it on during your lunch break, okay?” All I could do was nod, she smiled and even though it looked evil I couldn’t help but smile back, “Now run along and meet me at my office at seven tonight.” Then she walked back into the meeting room, leaving me to contemplate over what just happened.

Never before has Lisa even hinted at giving me an opportunity to expand. I’ve never done anything terribly important for her before and I can’t imagine why she wants to bring me tonight.Either way, I wasn’t about to complain about it, this is an amazing opportunity for me. So I rushed off to my desk right outside Lisa’s office and began running through notes that she had left for me. I had never seen my work list so bare before. All I had to do was keep up with calls, send out e-mails with everyone’s deadlines and get ready for tonight. A smile pulled at the end of my lips and I couldn’t help but laugh quietly to myself. Something was definitely going on but I really didn’t care to think about that. So I typed away various deadlines into one e-mail and forwarded it to all of the journalists at Abundance, as well as Lisa so she could see that all the information was correct. Then I took a few calls that came in and by the time noon came around I was really excited about this dress. So I grabbed my jacket off the back of my office chair and threw my arms into the sleeves. “I’m going to lunch!” I called to the office that Lisa occupied at the moment, hoping she could hear me through the closed door. Then I rushed off with my silver, metallic clutch in hand, towards the elevator. I really hate elevators. They’re so small and unreliable. I mean, how many movies have you seen where people are stuck in those things? And how many of those were horror movies? Exactly my point. All of them, basically.

Once I pushed my way out of the surprisingly crowded elevator, I took a right and followed the hall and various fashion portraits to the end of the hall until I reached a clear door that read Hannah Grace, Fashion Editor. I knocked on the glass door and a young woman rushed up to my side. Her hands were filled with various bags that read Marc Jacobs and D&G, among other designers, and her forearms were decorated with coat hangers with what I assumed to be dresses hanging on them, however, they were covered with bags so I wouldn’t know. The poor girl looked frazzled. She had this outrageously frizzy hair that stood off her head a good two inches, unteased, it really was a pretty brown but it was hard to notice the color over the style. Her eyebrows were obviously untrimmed and her makeup line was prominent above her jawline. Literally less than a second after I knocked I felt her hand on my should and immediately there was tension in the air which I found to be only her’s. “Do you have an appointment?” Her voice was quite fitting to her current appearance. The girl’s voice was cracking only slightly and she sounded out of breath. I raised my eyebrow, she must be an intern.

“Well I’m Abigail Kaner.” I informed the intern. I was sure that if I had an appointment, officially, this girl would know by my name.
“Uh, but do you have an appointment?” I sighed, she really did need to learn how to sound more professional. It was almost embarrassing just to watch her. She obviously didn’t look professional, but she couldn’t even talk professionally. You can’t walk the walk and you can’t talk the talk… how did she possibly score an internship here?
“Yes, I do.” I said to satisfy her. That it did, she simply opened the door for me and I never even got a chance to say thank you before she ran off to continue her errands.

I walked into the office, surprised. Lisa’s office is so neat and hardly looks used, but this office of Hannah Grace was, quite frankly, a bloody mess. I scanned the room of messy cabinets with open drawers overflowing with unsorted papers, fabrics laying over tables over various sketches, a desk with a selection of fast food bags covering and surrounding it as well as a computer whose monitor was turned backwards and a mouse hanging from the front of the desk. Honestly I’m surprised my jaw didn’t drop but I can tell you I jumped roughly three feet in the air when a small woman who I presumed to be Hannah Grace crawled out from under the desk with some sort of wrap half in her mouth and a few papers in her hands. “Oh!” I shouted, holding my hand to my chest as I tried to regain regular breathing capabilities. Hannah pulled herself up on the other side of the desk, setting down the papers as well as the wrap with an apologetic look on her face.

“I’m so sorry to have scared you… Abigail is it?” I nodded, still unable to risk talking and wasting precious air. “I’m also sorry this place is such a mess right now. I’m just so busy with fashion week approaching and all these silly fashion spreads Lisa wants me to do for the next issue.” she took a breather to take another bite from her wrap and then set it back down. “Five different fashion spreads in one issue of a magazine, can you believe that? And it’s not like I’m incredibly experienced as a fashion editor.” Hannah shook her head back and forth, retreating to the chair behind her and scooting closer to her lunch. “So I’m supposed to be loaning you a dress, correct?”

I assessed my health and figured it would be okay to talk now, “So I’ve been told.” I answered. Hannah nodded and took a slow glance around the room. I didn’t see any actual clothes around and I was sincerely hoping the dress I would be wearing tonight wouldn’t have been in this mess of an office. Who knows what food or other odd chemicals could have possibly contaminated the dress. “And I don’t mean to rush you, but I only get twenty minutes for my lunch break and I still haven’t eaten.” I explained. It really wouldn’t take me ten minutes to eat that I couldn’t do at my own desk, but the less time I had to spend with Hannah Grace seemed the better. I’ve just never gotten along with anyone so unorganized and laid-back. I can see now why her intern was so frazzled.

“No problem, right this way.” Hannah said gesturing for the door as she walked towards it herself, what looked to be a salad wrap (as I got a better look at it now) still in hand. I followed her out of the messy office, through another door down the hall and into a huge room that had about twenty mini closets set up against the walls. I was amazed and took in all the different clothes, there must be thousands of outfits in just this one room, but Hannah nonchalantly walked towards the last closet on the right side of the room and ran her fingers over the hangers. Once she reached the middle of the line of clothes she stopped and pulled a covered dress out. “Here it is,” she gestured straight across the room to an archway, “just go through there to try this on.” And with that she handed me the hanger and practically pushed me towards the door.

I slinked into the small room and closed the door behind me. The bright white color of the wall was almost nauseating for such a small space, but I pushed those thoughts away and focused on getting the bag off the dress. Luckily, there was a hook on the wall opposite the door so I set the hanger on it and began unzipping the bag keeping the dress clean and dry. As the dress was being revealed I realized it was a black dress. This caught me off-guard because I could have sworn Lisa said it would be white. I gasped at the tag that peeked out behind the funky, modern collar of the dress… Zac Posen! It was a short, cocktail dress that was tight around the hips, obviously, and had a bow at the waist. The sleeves went just past my shoulders and the bow mid-dress pulled the bust of the dress tighter. It really was a fabulous dress but I wasn’t expecting anything like it for me.

I stepped out of the room where Hannah was waiting to be sure the dress fit me properly. It really was quite short and considerably cold outside, but I trust Lisa so I didn’t complain about that. Hannah nodded and walked a full circle around me. “You have nice legs,” she started, “but I can give you some leggings to wear so you don’t freeze to death.” I nodded, this sounded like a fine plan to me. I started to walk back into the changing room when she grabbed my shoulder, “Now this dress is going to be used tomorrow in a photo shoot. Don’t you dare mess it up.” The tone in her voice suddenly changed from helpful to just downright scary. I nodded fiercely and after a look of approval she left the room. I took a deep breath and changed back into my work clothes in the small room. After re-zipping the bag and slipping back into my shoes I practically ran out of the cramped room and saw a pair of plain black leggings on a hanger just outside the door. I grabbed them and left as quickly as I possibly could. All this unorganized mess was really beginning to get to me.

“Abigail, dear, are you ready?” I heard Lisa shout from outside the bathroom. I sighed, I was really starting to feel self conscious in this little dress. It was very form-fitting and while I knew I wasn’t overweight I still felt nervous. Lisa is a perfectionist and I was far from perfect. However, I sucked it up and pushed open the bathroom door to reveal a surprised looking Lisa. She looked fabulous, as I assumed she would, her dress was longer and more regal. I was worried now that she would be upset my dress wasn’t white. It seemed like there was a theme going on at this party. “Wow Abigail, clearly I chose the right person to bring.” A smile spread across my face and I could feel a slight blush rush up to my cheeks. It wasn’t often that I got complimented and as a result I’m not the best at taking them the best way. “Well let’s go then.” she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me behind her.

When we reached the parking lot I realized I would still be cold tonight, leggings or not, I could still feel the cold night breeze on my legs. The car Lisa had waited for us was quite lovely, a Lincoln Town Car. Of course I don’t know enough about cars to know anymore than that. Lisa stepped into the car and I mimicked her. The ride over to this little get-together was mostly informative. Lisa told me about the clients who would be attending, numerous names and faces of people I should introduce myself to and how I would be helping her. Apparently, she is making a speech tonight dedicated to the honorary guests and hosts of the party. Personally, I found it odd that the honorary guests were also the hosts, but I kept that to myself. I was there to assist her in giving Abundance a well-rounded image. There was Lisa, who is older and more refined, regal even, and then there was me who is younger and more modern, youthful. It would be interesting to mingle with the second generation of big-wigs in this town. Before I could be briefed anymore we had arrived and our chauffer was helping me out of the limo. When I was comfortable on the sidewalk my eyes must have bulged out of my head. I was not expecting this much press to be here, honestly. Our town isn’t the most popular place for paparazzi or anyone of that sort, but I suppose we have a few people worth taking pictures of around here. Especially tonight. The walk to the front door had a backdrop and ropes which separated the guests from the press. There were people shouting from behind the ropes and the guests were simply smiling and waving. Occasionally some people would answer questions and sign arms or legs. It was all quite strange to me but before I could register the whole situation Lisa linked her arm in mine and dragged me down the walk. “Just smile and look pretty.” she whispered roughly in my ear. I’m sure at this point she realized how shocked I am.

I couldn’t hear single words the entire time we were on that white carpet. I just kept myself glued to Lisa’s side and smiled as much as I could. There were so many flashes that I’m sure people got pictures of me with my eyes closed, I cursed myself for not being more careful about that. These pictures could end up in newspapers and on the internet and now you’re going to look stupid in public. I was more than relieved when we entered the house that was more like a high class apartment building. It was incredibly extravagant and I zoned out all the conversations Lisa was currently having to appreciate the beauty of the place. I must look so out of place. I could do nothing more than oogle at the decorations and force myself into Lisa’s shoulder. “Oh yes this is Abigail, my assistant at Abundance.” she smiled, gesturing towards me and I immediately gained my composure and let a smile form on my face. I knew this was important to Lisa so I worked up all I could to just be outgoing for this night. We both really needed me to be on the ball tonight.

“Hi,” I shook the lovely woman’s hand who I was being introduced to, “it’s nice to meet you.”
“Oh darling, your dress is simply fabulous.” she complimented and I took a deep breath, un-noticeably, before I answered back without a single urge to blush.
“Thank you, I have to say yours is quite lovely as well.” I tried to muster every manner lesson I ever learned to make a good impression on everyone here. “I think I’m going to get a drink though, please excuse me.” I said. As they both nodded I ducked out of the group and headed towards what looked like the bar. I sat on one of the bar stools and asked for a glass of water, just to calm myself down because I really hadn’t gotten enough time to prepare myself for tonight.

As I took my last sip someone sat on the bar stool beside me. A boy who must have been my age if not much older. “I’ll take the usual please Ben.” he said, leaning on the bar and smiling at the bartender. Then I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, his gaze turned in my direction. “Hi.” he said, quite simply.

I turned my head towards him and nearly lost my breath. From the corner of my eye he didn’t look so attractive. “H-hi…” I managed to squeak out as I took in his features. Immediately his electric blue eyes caught mine. He has this light blond hair that just brought out the sky blue color of his eyes and his skin was slightly paler than I would expect from someone at this party. These people seemed to be enthralled with the idea of being skinny, tan and beautiful. A chuckle came naturally out of his mouth and he took a sip of his drink, “I’m James Miller, call me Jay though.”

BOY PART:

I could feel the cold breeze on my bare shoulders as I picked up the last box from the back of the truck. The layers of clouds in the sky began a bright blue, as most of the day had been, and with each layer it became a darker and darker gray. After setting down the flimsy box that had threatened to burst as I walked the distance from the truck to the upstairs apartment I glanced down at the Rolex watch on my wrist. “Man, it’s getting late and I have some stupid get-together to go to for my family…” I waited for him to return to the room after closing the moving truck. My best friend, Michael Yamin, I never felt a real need to know his ethnicity and what it could possibly be to have a last name like that, anyway, he’s moving into this new apartment. Up until recently, you see, he lived in the guest room at my parent’s house. Finally he has really taken responsibility for himself and I have to say I’m proud of the kid. I saw his shadow through the doorway and could hear some voices outside the room, a girl voice. I wasn’t one to cramp anyone’s style so I took a seat on the recliner I had bought him as an early housewarming gift. I’d felt guilty because I’d refused to let him have mine that he spent majority of his days sitting on. He must not have heard me earlier. It had been a good five minutes – I kept an eye on my watch – before he came back into the room and raised his eyebrows.

What’d you say man?” I laughed, surprised he remembered that I had said anything in the first place. He let his head slide a little to the side, obviously confused, “I’ve got this family thing tonight, I’ve gotta go.” I said.
“Oh, yeah. Nah that’s cool, thanks man.” he made his way towards where I sat on the recliner. I was pretty tempted to just sit here all night and forget the family commitment, but I knew my mother would never let me live it down. If anything, I would feel terrible for skipping out on a party dedicated to my parents. I slapped hands with Michael and used his hand to force myself out of the chair.
“I almost like yours better,” I laughed, nodding towards the chair, “Anyway, it’s no problem man. I’ll catch you later. Have fun unpacking.” And with that I left the apartment, trudged down the stairs and pulled myself into my car. I couldn’t believe we had gotten those millions of boxes out of that truck in just a few hours. I had reluctantly offered to help him unpack his things to the new abode because I was thankful he was moving out on his own. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid to death, but he really needed to stop mooching off me now or he’d never be able to live on his own.

I started the car and pulled out of the somewhat sketchy neighborhood. The whole drive home I just couldn’t concentrate on one thing or another. The cold weather was really starting to hit, finally. The leaves were all at their peak; bright reds, yellows and oranges. There were already businesses with Christmas decorations outside. Little wreaths adorning the front doors and lights following the door frame. I never really understood why there weren’t outdoor thanksgiving decorations. You went from witches stuck in your front yard and black and orange lights on your spider web to reindeers on your front lawn and red and green lights on your pine trees. No turkey’s and whatever the colors of thanksgiving are on your… whatevers. “Shit!”

I took the turn that led to my neighborhood sharper than ever. I’d nearly missed the turn and about that time I also realized I am a good 15 minutes late. I knew my father wouldn’t mind at all really, if not for my mother he wouldn’t even make an appearance to these parties. My mother, on the other hand, will be furious with me. Maybe not now but I will definitely suffer for this later. I pulled into my driveway the back way and could see the traffic at the main entrance. Limos were lining the road loaded with beautiful, rich people waiting on their turn to enter the Miller Mansion for the party that will honor my parents tonight. They’ve been together for nearly twenty years now and have never even considered a divorce, let alone counseling. If that were more of the reason they were being honored then I would be stoked for them, but the real reason they’re being honored has more to do with their salaries and their power over the community.

When I walked into the house I could feel the atmosphere immediately and I almost let it overcome me. My mother’s parties were always over the top and everyone she invited would RSVP a day after receiving the invitation. Everyone tonight would be in either white or black with as much jewelry as they could possibly fit around their necks and wrists. The theme of the party is just Extravagance. I would just wear the suit my mother bought me for the party and mingle with all the young, beautiful ladies that attended my mother’s parties just for me. Now I don’t mean to sound conceited at all, but it really did happen. The ladies who really made an effort to keep in touch with me were my mother’s girlfriend’s daughters. Whenever my mother would come home from a girl’s lunch she would have so many messages to pass on to me from the girl’s.

Personally, I just never found any one of them entertaining for more than an hour. So when my mother would hold these parties I would cast each one (or sometimes two) aside to talk to for a good hour (sometimes an hour and a half) until I could think of a good enough excuse to leave them for another few girls. This kept me occupied the entire night and kept my mother from forcing me to schmooze with her co-workers daughters who were more boring than I could possibly describe.

101th Post

Oh gosh. I’m starting to get butterflies again and I hate it! It hasn’t happened in sooo long, I swear. Ahh! So anyways. It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and I am wired. I should be going to sleep to get up early to go to my grandparents to help put up and decorate the Christmas tree. I guess I’ll just function on coffee tomorrow. I went to Tanglewood for the first time the other night with Tanna, Sammy, Pat and Brennen. I had fun until everyone got grumpy by the end, aha. It was still fun though:P. Today I just went to the mall for less than an hour and had all these “signs” clarified. It’s a long story…

So I’m going to try and get my birthday money from my Mawmaw one day this week and then go to the mall one day afterschool so maybe it won’t be so busy and start Christmas shopping for everyone. Last year I did the most random shopping ever. I bought John this CD I didn’t even know if he liked, but he freaked out about it. I bought Rich a $1 CD from Record Exchange that was a single called Where Do You Want Me To Put It and something else I don’t even remember. I bought someone a Saw III poster but I don’t remember who I gave it to. I give my friends weird presents, I swear. Last year Rich and I bought Crystal bibs and puppets from Dollar General. We also bought Caitlyn and Hayley tampons, douches, stickers and all kinds of weird stuff. I bought Rich underwear and lots of puppets last year for his birthday. I kind of want to get people things they can actually use/wear/whatever with this year. Instead of something to just laugh about. Gag gifts shouldn’t be the only thing you get.

Leave comments with present ideas for youu!

Kbai.

100th Post

Looking for Alaska and I absolutely loved it, but now I’m going to finish the 3 Christmas/Season stories and then I have nothing else to read. So I’ll have to buy a book when I go to Walmart tomorrow night, aha. Anyways, I don’t feel like getting too in depth with a blog entry tonight so here are a few quotes from the book I enjoyed; possible spoilers. The ending essay in the book by Pudge, I thought, was amazing so I’ll probably have an entirely separate blog entry for it with my thoughts on it as well. Enjoy. Tomorrow I will probably put up my New Year’s Resolutions early because I wrote them all out (or most of them) during Psych today.

“Auden,” she announced. “What were his last words?”

“Don’t know. Never heard of him.”

“Never heard of him? You poor, illiterate boy. Here, read this line.” I walked over and looked down at her index finger. “You shall love your crooked neighbour / With your crooked heart,” I read aloud. “Yeah, that’s pretty good,” I said.

“Pretty good? Sure, and bufriedos are pretty good. Sex is pretty fun. The sun is pretty hot. Jesus, it says so much about love and brokenness – it’s perfect.”

The Colonel – “After all this time, it still seems to me like ’straight and fast’ is the only way out. But I choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows, but I choose it.”

Pudge/Miles – “I never liked writing concluding paragraphs to papers–where you just repeat what you’ve already said with phrases like In summation, and To conclude. I didn’t do that–instead I talked about why I thought it was an important question. People, I thought, wanted security. They couldn’t bear the idea of death being a big, black nothing, couldn’t bear the thought of their loved ones not existing, and couldn’t even imagine themselves not existing. I finally decided that people believed  in an afterlife because they couldn’t bear not to.”

Pudge/Miles: Essay – ” Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small, self-sufficient world in a back corner of the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied only by the last words of the already-dead, so I came here looking for a Great Perhaps, for real friends and a more-than-minor life. And then I screwed up and the Colonel screwed up and Takumi screwed up and she slipped through our fingers. And there’s no sugar-coating it: she deserved better friends.

When she fucked up, all those years ago, just a little girl terrified into paralysis, she collapsed into the enigma of herself. And I could have done that, but I saw where it led for her. So I still believe in the Great Perhaps, and I can believe it in spite of having lost her.

Because I will forget her, yes. That which came together will fall apart imperceptibly slowly, and I will forget, but she will forgive my forgetting, just as I forgive her for forgetting me and the Colonel and everyone but herself and her mom in those last moments she spent as a person. I know now that she forgives me for being dumb and scared and doing the dumb and scared thing. I know she forgives me, just as her mother forgives her. And here’s how I know:

I thought at first that she was just dead. Just darkness. Just a body being eaten by bugs. I thought about her a lot like that, as something’s meal. What was her – green eyes, half a smirk, the soft curves of her legs – would soon be nothing, just the bones I never saw. I thought about the slow process of becoming bone and then fossil and then coal that will, in millions of years, be mined by humans of the future, and how they would heat their homes with her, and then she would be smoke billowing out of a smokestack, coating the atmosphere. I still think that, sometimes, think that maybe “the afterlife” is just something we made up to ease the pain of loss, to make our time in the labyrinth bearable. Maybe she was just matter, and matter gets recycled.

But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. If you take Alaska’s genetic code and you add her life experiences and the relationships she had with people, and then you take the size and shape of hre body, you do not get her. There is something else entirely. There is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts. And that part has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed.

Although no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, one thing I learned from science classes is that energy is never created and never destroyed. And if Alaska took her own life, that is the hope I wish I could have given her. Forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself – those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct. Those awful things are survivable, because we ARE as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say, ‘Teenagers think they are invincible’ with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, as so it cannot fail.

So, I know that she forgives me, just as I forgive her. Thomas Edison’s last words were: ‘It’s very beautiful over there.’ I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”

I highly recommend this book and may do a review later, but I’m too lazy now to write out how fascinating I found Looking for Alaska.

My Weekend

I seriously love my friends so much, aha! I don’t feel like going into dramatic detail, but basically this is what went down. We all chilled at my house for a little bit, waiting on everyone, and then Max, Sammy, Vannah, Christina, Bethany and I all went to the mall. We chilled for awhile and got pretzels and made face out of a paper bag. Then we went to Hot Topic and I bought a 3OH!3 shirt and Vannah and Bethany surprised me and bought me a tiara to wear for the rest of the night. Then we finally met up with Tanna and I changed and we chilled at the mall a little longer. Then we left and went to BK Lounge. We stayed there forever dude. We ate the kidds room and played in the playpen and took sooo many pictures, it was so much fun, aha. Then we saw Lindsay’s Mom’s Van go by outside so we called her and shortly after we left for Confluence to meet up with her there. There are a lot of pictures from Confluence too. We danced to the band that was playing and chilled more. When we started to leave we ended up spending an extra half hour or so in the parking lot, chillin’, aha.

We finally left and went to my grandparents and watched Transformers during which I realized I still haven’t seen that golf movie Shia was in, so there is still one of his movies I haven’t seen. Then we all passed out, basically. I did after I ate the cake Bethany made me, aha. Then I woke up the next morning feeling siiick,  but Sammy, Vannah and I went and had pancakes, eggs, bacon and toast for breakfast. I fell down the stairs, spent most of the morning in the bathtub over the toilet. Then we started watching In The Land of Women and Sammy woke up Tanna, Christina and Bethany with her whistle. So we sat upstairs with them while they ate. Finished watching ITLOW. Went outside and fed the swans and rolled down the hills on the golf course. Brought the Christmas tree upstairs after lunch just to put it back downstairs because the stand wouldn’t hold it. I was upset that we don’t get to put up the big tree now but anyways, we left after that.

Other stuff happened but I’m too lazy to explain it all, but basically, I had the best weekend and I’m sixteen now! (:

Happy Birthday Me!

So honestly I take my birthday really, really seriously and I realized today I have like the best friends ever because they totally understand, aha! This morning Sammy had a cake that she baked for me and we all ate it and a card and Bethany brought me breakfast and Tanna brought me Doritos and a bunch of people told me Happy Birthday or sang it to me and Tanna, Austin and Sammy made me cards. It was a really good day. I hung out with Crystal during Driver’s Ed and had dinner at my grandparents and they gave me a key lime pie to bring home and a two cup coffee machine maker that I can set to automatically turn on and make the coffee at whatever time. And Britt left me a voicemail and dropped off two DVD’s while I was gone. I’m actually watching In The Land of Women right now. Dude, I love it and Kristen Stuart and Adam Brody.

I’m tired and just frustrated with these birthday plans tomorrow that will probably turn into just going to get something to eat at like five and then going to my grandparents because the whole “car” situation is too confusing to figure out. Goodnight.

I just thought.

That this was really rad

By the way, this is my Zune screensaver, aha (: And if you want to see the entire thing go here http://i33.tinypic.com/ettuo3.jpg

Ahhh!

I finished Paper Towns and it is seriously amazing. I went ahead and let Caleb borrow it so I’ll have all my favorite quotes up soon! I dog tagged all the pages with sections I liked:P. Anyway, I’m going to start Looking for Alaska tonight and then I will have read every John Green book! I just loove the way he writes. I’m also excited because it turns out the rights to make An Abundance of Katherines a movie were signed over, but I don’t know much else but that eventually there will be a movie, aha. Me and Bethany are partners again in theatre and haven’t finished our script that we’ve had two days and Driver’s Ed yesterday to work on; we’re gay dude, aha. We’re almost done though.

So I realized earlier as I was zoning out of Driver’s Ed that I haven’t really read that many books for my age that I really, truly remember and love. My favorite kind of book changes me by the end of it and I’m just going to list some of the books I’ve really loved and recommend, I guess, so comment if you have any books you’d like to suggest or if you have an opinion about one of the below:

The Phantom Tollbooth – I read this book in fifth grade and for some reason it has always really stuck in my mind. I still have the book, actually. I was tempted to sell it at Edward Mckay, but couldn’t really bring myself to do it. I think the reason it really caught my interest was just the cleverness of the writing. Every part of the story requires some knowledge and back in fifth grade I needed a little help understanding that different puns and quirks of the book, but now I found I can really appreciate the book. It will probably be a quick read, I’m sure, so I would highly suggest reading through it if you’re into the witty books.

The Truth About Forever – A Sarah Dessen book, I love her, by the way. I don’t remember the actual story of the book because I read it over a year ago, but I remember that I really loved it, so not really much to say about it but I mean, come on, it’s a Sarah Dessen book!

This Lullaby – Now this Sarah Dessen book I remember more about. Honestly I think the story line is so interesting and I can somewhat relate to the main character in certain aspects of her family life. And I want a cute little boy like Dexter in the book! Aha.

Twilight Saga – I really won’t say much because you either love it or hate it, so you take your pick but I really loved the books and regardless they’re written very well and are just too good to put down.

The Host – Another Stephenie Meyer book… honestly I fell in love with this book. The imagery is simply amazing and just the fact that Stephenie could have come up with the plot and setting all on her own just – it’s crazy and I love it. I know if you read the backstory it seems to be mainly science fiction, but rest assured, the story focuses muuch more on the character Melanie/Wanderer and not so much the fact that she is basically an alien living inside of a human (host) body that can still communicate with her (which is unusual). It’s very intriguing and the ending is everything you will want it to be when you get to that point. Seriously, I was reeling about that book days after I finished it and I’m still telling everyone I know that reads Twilight to check it out.

An Abundance of Katherines – I have acquired a new, intense love for all that is John Green. His writing style is so chill and has inspired me and made me feel a little better about my overuse of the word and in my stories. However, Katherines is about a washed-up prodigy, Colin Singleton (ironic?), who has been dumped by 19 Katherine’s in his life. His best friend Hassan urges Colin to join him on a roadtrip that leads them to Gutshot, TN where they end up staying all summer. Seriously, it is really great. I don’t know what else to say about it other than that, aha. I’m horrible at recommending books without just saying ‘it’s amazing!’ ‘just trust me!’ Aha

Paper Towns – The infamous and aforementioned Paper Towns by the also aforementioned John Green, whom I love. It is his newest book and I’m so tempted to read it again when I get it back from Caleb. There are so many good quotes in it I have like every other page dogtagged. It has such a good story to it and it’s so suspenseful in the best way. Within the first twenty pages you meet Margo Roth Spielgmen (pretty sure I spelled that wrong) and Quienten Jacobsen. As they are playing in the park they come face to face with a dead man who has blood running from his mouth and in a pool around him. Margo’s response is ‘maybe all the strings inside him broke.’ And most of the book revolves around that quote of a little ten year old girl wearing a pretty awesome shirt, according to Q. It’s really a great read and I just loove John Green’s writing style so much, especially in this book!

Done, even though I’m sure there are more books I would recommend, aha.